No one wants to think of themselves in a negative way. I've always tried to be positive in my life and I believe for the most part that I've been successful. I wasn't going to delve into this but if I'm going to tell the whole story of Merkel Cell Carcinoma then I'm bound to reveal all that I can.
About six weeks ago I was picked up in an ambulance at my home mid afternoon on a Wednesday. I had been fighting chronic bronchitis since October of 2014. For me this wasn't unusual. For the past thirty years I develop chronic bronchitis as soon as the wind turns out of the North and brings different pollen and spores south with the clouds. Nothing new, just nose drizzles, coughing, sinus congestion and sneezing. Its the same every year so I don't worry about it. This year it began to clear up around January, a little ahead of my MCC diagnosis.
After my initial diagnosis it only took a few weeks before the chronic bronchitis returned. I assumed this recurred because of the MCC so I just medicated it and kept going. However, after the two surgeries it became more and more problematic. It became increasingly difficult for me to carry out daily activities and breathing became more difficult. I started to have breathing problems to the point where I felt that only half of my lungs were functioning. Finally on that Wednesday my wife was at work and my eight year old granddaughter was visiting me for the day.
I made my way to my recliner in the living room, sat down and knew that I was in trouble. I called my wife to come home and take me to the VA clinic so I could get an examination. I knew I had to go to the emergency room but I didn't want to panic my wife while she had to drive home. When she arrived home I told her to call for an ambulance.
Once at the hospital I received a battery of tests that revealed what they termed excessive volume overload of fluid in my lungs. Congestive Heart Failure was next on the list as well as Pulmonary Edema for the trifecta.
I remained in the hospital for four days and was released reluctantly by the doctors who were treating me. They had managed to remove 22 pounds of fluid from my body in four days and I was ready to go home. I now try to remain on a no sodium diet and follow all the restrictions they put on me.
Okay. The preceding information was to lead to this revelation. I'm human! I didn't accept the fact that cancer is serious for me. I'm an expert at concealing my emotions after 45 years of PTSD. What this episode revealed to me is that I may die from this cancer but I must live as well as I can for as long as I can.
I put myself in jeopardy. I ate continuously. I ate everything I could that was fried and the more the better. I skipped insulin doses and saw my sugar go to the 300 range. It didn't matter to me. My life was over so why bother. The effort to breathe was a shock to me when I realized I had done this to myself. I felt like a fish on a dock gasping for air in the full knowledge that I may not live much longer.
Well, I'm determined not to go through that again and am trying to manage my health as best I can. I believe it was the prayers of all those who call me friend, father, brother, dad that changed me. To God and their prayers I'm grateful.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer please watch their behavior and gently guide them to a healthy lifestyle if at all possible.
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